FAKE NEWS: Trump, El Chapo, and money for the wall – Part 2
“You can call me Patron.”
El ‘Chapo’ Guzman, the world’s most notorious drug kingpin now living in a U.S. prison, sat before the president of the United States. “But everyone calls you El Chapo,” said the president eyeing the smallish man before him.
“My name is Joaquín Archivaldo Guzmán Loera,” he informed the president. “I don’t like that name you called me. I’ve had men killed for less.”
“But, but…” the president was stumped. Guzman then added, “Look, how’d you like it if I called you Little Hands,” as he looked down at the president’s hands. “They are kinda small for such a big man,” he smiled and told the president.
“Anyway, I may be short, but…” Guzman suddenly reached over and grabbed the president’s arm placing his right hand against the president’s left. He smiled and said, “Even mine are bigger than yours.” Like a snake, the president recoiled, smirked and turned red as an apple.
“OK. OK,” said the president, “I’ll call you Mr. Gusman.”
“No. No. Donald. It is Mr. Guzman. With a Z. But you will call me ‘Patron.’”
“And for all the money you’re asking for, I run this meeting. Agreed?” stated Guzman.
“Agreed,” said Donald Trump, adding, “In my world, money is more important than anything. More important than even those children crossing the border between our two countries…”
“I will have $15 billion delivered to you; where do you want it, the White House?
“Oh God NO!” said the president.
“You’re gonna use it for a wall? That’s stupid,” blurted Guzman. “Build a wall and I will build tunnels. You know my people are experts at tunnels. Hell, if you’d like I can build you some under the prisons where your people are being sent.
“We can break them out…”
“Please don’t, Patron. Let them serve a bit longer, and then I’ll pardon them.”
“And are you gonna pardon me?” asked Guzman. “You know, for 15 billion…” El Chapo looked around the secret basement room below the White House.
Trump appeared pleased. His Patron had just confirmed he would give him the 15 big ones. He paused and stared at the smaller man sitting before him.
“You’re thinking you may need more. Correct?” asked Guzman. “You americanos. For 15 billion I can build you that stupid wall you want. Bring it down. And build it all over again.”
“Tell me the truth, Donald. You gonna take some of that money for yourself and your friends. Right?” Guzman asked the president.
Jesus, Trump thought. This guy can read me.
“Don’t worry Mr. President. Ha! I’ve always wanted to say that to an American president… there’s much more where that came from. And if we can work this out, you can even become a partner. There will be plenty of money involved.
“But first, Donald, what’s your plan for me?”
This is running a bit long. So I will continue this true story in Part 3. I will add that there were several other people in the room with the president and El Chapo Guzman on the aforementioned occasion. My source tells me that White House Press Secretary Sarah Sanders, who was present, had a field day with her contorting facial expressions as she listened to ‘El Patron’ address the president as Donald. But that’s another story for another day.
[Read Part 1 here: Trump to hold secret talks with ‘El Chapo’]
Americus Nero is a writer and bon vivant who is hard to pin down. To date, nobody has been able to tell where he really lives, or if he even sleeps. He was last seen visiting the monuments in Washington, D.C. He writes an occasional Fake News column for Progreso.
