A Republican scandal: Palin for president!
By
Joe the Writer Read Spanish Version
Yesterday,
much to my amazement, I learned that the Republican Party was
planning — as a strategic coup just before the election — to
withdraw John McCain from the contest. Finally. In reality, his image
as an elderly man, deteriorated and ridiculous enough, was never
appreciated in the circles of this conservative party.
As
is my custom every Monday night, I went to dine at Versailles in
Miami. That’s a place where the future of this great nation is often
decided, though many don’t believe it. I was digging into my dessert
when I heard a rather strange conversation drifting from the next
table. From the tone of the voices, I gathered someone was concocting
a plot … and in a way it was. The diners mentioned the names of
several well-known politicians, spoke of strategies to garner the
votes of the undecided and to continue sowing fear among the white
population. At that point, I realized they were Republicans.
Many
of them, without restraining their exultation and awe, said firmly
that they supported the statements from some of the campaign aides to
the effect that Palin was much more than just a candidate in the
election, that she was a "diva." When I heard this, I felt
like yelling at them from my table that I totally agreed with them. I
don’t know if anyone in the group saw the porno flick made about her.
Most likely some did, because some of those elderly gentlemen
slobbered every time they mentioned her name.
With
malicious cheer, they celebrated all of Palin’s "pranks."
From the contract tenders (plagued with irregularities) for the
Alaska oil pipeline, to her double standard about traditional
families and her vows to rid the White House of corrupt politicians
who abuse their power. I suppose she referred to Bush or Cheney, who
are, after all, members of her own party.
The
latter seemed to be most amusing to that group of diners.
Particularly when they talked about the abuse of power she practiced
as a governor, and her latest scandal regarding the excessive cost of
her travel, hotel accommodations and clothing — for her and her
family. Actually, that wasn’t what was causing so much cheer; it was
the fact that she
was paid
for all those expenses. "Outstanding!" someone shouted.
I
imagine that some Republicans, the very few who benefited from this
economic disaster, will want things to stay the same. But, because
Obama made the word "change" popular, they also need
something like it in their campaign. The change will not be in the
action but in the image. In other words, the corruption will go on —
Palin has demonstrated that — but with a different image, different
faces: a McCain, a Palin, a Joe the Plumber.
When
it comes to "change," Mrs. Palin is at the top of the
polls. But don’t be mistaken; the "change" refers to her
clothing. One outfit for each appearance. Therefore, her image is
constantly renewed, thanks to the Republican Party donors and
Alaska’s taxpayer.
The
truth is that this trilogy of elements — John, Sarah and Joe — will
change this weekend, as I learned at the Versailles. Palin will
become the candidate to the presidency! When I heard that, I leaped
in my chair and spilled my coffee all over the table. That gave me a
chance to order another cup and stay a while longer to listen to my
neighbors’ conversation.
With
my second espresso — and a guava pastry I ordered to stretch out the
time — I heard another proposal: run Joe the Plumber for Vice
President. At that point, I thought the whole thing was a joke. I
finally raised my head to look at the people at the next table,
something I hadn’t done before so I could casually hear their
conversation.
Their
conversation had shaken me, but their faces froze the blood in my
veins. They included the well-known Florida politicians who are
famous for their nicknames: the Little Sergeant, the Little Corporal
and Clorito. So I ordered a cappuccino with a double espresso to
stretch out the time and listen some more. Also, I didn’t want to
fall asleep. I couldn’t miss all that. The circus was at its peak.
By
then, my eyes, red from exhaustion, were popping out of their
sockets. My fingers toyed with the coffee spoon and, without
realizing it, I drew interesting pictures on the white tablecloth.
The
conversation turned again to Joe and how he had all the conditions to
be a candidate like them. For a half hour they went over the
peculiarities of that liar who is neither a plumber nor is named Joe.
They didn’t understand how he managed to fool his clients and the
company for which he works, which never asked him for his plumber’s
license. They smiled as they celebrated the fact that he didn’t pay
his taxes because he didn’t believe in one of the nation’s
institutions — the IRS. It amused them that this American was
anti-American.
They
acknowledged that this latter failing scared them, because the
Vatican had come out with a new list of sins that included nonpayment
of taxes as a sin against God. They were worried that Joe might look
like an anti-Catholic or sinner. Other than that, he met all the
conditions to be a good Republican politician and run on the ticket
with Palin.
This
weekend, we’ll all witness this change in the Republican Party, the
people at the next table said. And McCain will be dumped, the way he
was shot down in Vietnam years ago. He was a hero in a war that never
was won, and a hero who couldn’t accomplish his mission because he
was shot down. Still, he believes he can win a battle with his
"secret" plans, if they let him. This time, his enemy is
time and age. Mine is gastritis, caused by all the coffee I drank
last night.
