21st-Century Neanderthal Man
By Varela
I read that anthropologists are happy because the human brain shrank 10 percent in the past 30,000 years.
They say that is a sign of intellectual development because the smaller the cephalic mass, the greater the cerebral productivity.
I consider that equation a bit odd – but the anthropologists are the ones who know about people’s craniums and the size of other body parts.
I, for one, don’t think that that’s what happens in Miami. Nobody gives enough work to his brain. We simplify everything.
If you call someplace to pay for something or request a service, a mechanical voice tells you: “To speak English, press One; to speak Spanish, press Two; to pay your bill, press Three; to correct your bill, press Four; to ask for an extension, press Five; to speak with a representative, stay on the line.”
And you stay on the line like a jackass and the call drops. You never talk to a human being. And you call again and the call drops again. As long as you’re not paying for anything, they’re not interested in you.
And we speak in one-syllable words, because here in Miami everything is an acronym: FPL (electricity is always more expensive), FEMA (they collect money for the floods), FBI (they watch us), IRS (they screw us at the end of the year), CIA (if we listen to Radio Rebelde), G2 (if we listen to Radio Mambi), GPS (if we buy a car), CUC (when we exchange dollars into Cuban pesos), CAM (when we talk about Carlos Alberto Montaner), #1 (when we talk about Fidel), #2 (when we talk about Raúl).
The Neanderthal Man, the closest thing to a Miamian today, disappeared thousands of years ago precisely because he didn’t use his brain much and had a brawny body he abused all day. His brain shrank from lack of use and his body wore out. Most of his action was bodily; he seldom thought. Just like a Miamian.
Miami Man wears down his body. He goes to the gym, runs, jogs, lifts weights and thinks very little – same as the Neanderthal. He solves everything with his laptop, cell phone or calculator. Besides, his politics is very simple. He divides all others into Communists and Republicans.
Neanderthal Man was the same. He separated his world into Mammoth and Cromagnon Man. He had to kill Mammoth or it would run him over. And Cromagnon Man stole his food, coat, fire, woman and cave, because he knew more. CM was smarter.
It came to the point where Neanderthal Man disappeared because he did not dialogue with Cromagnon Man. The same that happens to the typical Miamians who are disappearing because they don’t adapt to the times, don’t accept the changes, reject those who come up with better ideas. Any cultural exchange they see as usurping their traditions. They are very territorial.
Anthropologists say that Neanderthal Man’s biggest problem came when he saw his reflection in a puddle of water. He thought it was someone else coming to steal his water. And, because he didn’t like the other guy’s looks, he started to hit the puddle with his club, and that’s when Xenophobia was born. Xenophobia is nothing more than rejecting oneself. Ask the people in Arizona.
Miami Man is not so far behind Neanderthal Man or Arizona Man when looking into the puddle. Over here, when a Cuban gets U.S. citizenship five years after arriving, the minute he swears allegiance and gets his U.S. passport, he begins to talk shit about the newcomers who, according to him, come to steal Americans’ jobs. And wonders if they’re the New Men of Cuba.
Brains here are definitely different. Evolution is slower. Or almost nonexistent. People live in tribes. The houses are like caves, filled with candles, religious icons, dry coconuts, shells, incense, animals and the smell of food. Even with wall paintings. The Mammoths roam on the streets, crushing, breaking everything and the Cromagnon Men are branded as communists or imprisoned on charges of espionage.
I would even go as far as to say that in Miami there is Involution. Because a newcomer looks peaceful and kind when he arrives in a raft, soaking wet. But a year later he becomes a shark. He knows everything, bites everyone. Stabs anybody on the back. Doesn’t forgive anyone. The initial kindness is gone.
Miami deserves a study by a good team of anthropologists. But they should be careful, lest they are mistaken for a musical band coming from Cuba in a cultural exchange. Then the locals will stone them and bring the Mammoth they call the Steamroller to crush their CDs.
